House moving notice

This blog has been moved to a bigger, nicer & modern new house.
I love my new house...

http://shelvei.pixnet.net/blog

I'm a search engine

Everyday, I have people asking me questions at work. There are not always simple questions. Things like,

• How has TV consumption changed amid the popularity of internet in Malaysia?
• Do you have anything to show on the Indian consumers?
• Media inflation, any projection figures till 2012?

While some is as simple as passing the information from the left hand to the right hand. Some requires a lot hell of data mining & analsysis. Some need a crystal ball. Anyhow, at least I'm paid to answer such questions.

And back home, I have a big messy rat asking me questions as well. This one I need a "bomoh" or if any of Doreamon's gadgets could help, it will be fantastic.

• Ling, did you see my passport? - searching high & low, finally he found it at the same spot where he thot he has taken it out.
• Ling, did you see my namecard holder? - discovered after a month or so, it was in the office instead.
• Ling, do you remember seeing the cable thing of my samsung PDA? - har? - still searching, after 1 month.
• Ling, where is my shorts? - it's hanging on your hip, honey!

Am I not a search engine?

Our brilliant politicians

There are times you want to close your eyes and ears for the brilliant ideas of Malaysia's politicians.

Najib will provide venue for protest

“In fact, we are willing to even provide them with proper venues such as stadiums where they can gather and voice their unhappiness,” said Najib in commenting on the illegal assemblies organised in the federal capital Saturday.

What a brilliant idea! He should be awarded Noble prize for this. Please will it be air-conditioned? With rostum, mics & speakers? A 8x12" giant screen & a projector (oh ya, 10000NC lumens will definitely help). Can there be any sponsors of mineral water? Maybe some food catering?

No need police permit for such gathering

Just don't go to the street & cause disturbance

Oh that's so great! But it makes no sense. Who'd care if they have gotten permit to protest? Protestors won't apply in the past, nor they will do in the future. If the protest does not cause disturbance, it won't be a protest! Oh Lord... Just like any other letters, memorandums, appeals that we rakyat had submitted in the past, they had all fallen on the deaf ears. Why? Becasue they did not cause any disturbance!

Not sure if this is simplicity in thinking or just... brainless.

My verdict on production control

Babies are so cute, but we need to control the existence of babies.
So... choose a contraceptive methods.

Apart from all the pros & cons, a simple calculation may help.

1. Contraceptive implant (http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Implanon-The-Contraceptive-Implant.htm) - RM650 for 3 years, i.e. RM0.59 per day.
2. If you opt for pills, take the average cost of RM43 for 21 days (1 mth cycle)(some good pills cost up to RM100 a month), then it'll cost you about RM1,548 for 3 years, i.e. RM1.41 per day.
3. Condom. There are expensive & cheap ones. Says RM15 for 10... well, it depends on how active you & your partner are (*Wink wink*). To match the implant cost, you can only be active in every 2.5 days (hmmm, I think this is sufficient).
4. Biological planning i.e. count your days. Costless. But the possible cost incurred due to the consequence of unsafe activity is RM1mil (study said that's the cost to raise a kid)! This does not even taken into account the childbirth, medical, college fees, as well as opportunity costs. Go risk your whole life of physical, mental & financial freedom.

However, contraceptive implant is not that great afterall. The side effect of irregular & prolong period is irritating. But just that.

My verdict?
Anything. But do ask the men to contribute something-lah ($$). Yeah.

;-)

I wish my life finishes off as an orgasm too!

And he forgot to mention that our stress reduces as each day passes by.
The wrinkles fade, pores get smaller, skin gets softer, smoother & more delicate by the day.
Oops... for the women, our boobs get shrunk & eventually gone totally flat!
Our salary reduces annually as we are demoted each year.
Our imported sedan gradually downgraded to a Kancil, a bike, a bicycle, a kid bicycle, and a baby walker...
Our favourite buffet lunch, 5-course dinner, red wine, steak, laksa, sambal petai will slowly turned into boring cereal & steamed carrot. Near to the very end, milk & milk & milk all the way!

No way.

我的第一次

转载于作者－我大嫂的Facebook。 作者是光华日报雪隆办事处助理新闻主任。

我的第一次，即宝贵又难忘。
第一次，被迫硬着头皮七早八早去机场搭飞机，还要和看起来几天没有冲凉洗头的中国男生隔邻而坐3小时飞机，抵达广州觉得浑身不舒服。

来到广州的白云机场，连厕所都来不及参观，就要排有史以来最长的队伍接受甲型流感通关检疫，还有入境检疫。看着距离转机的时间越来越近，第一次慌张得想要推开前面的人群。

结果的结果，海关在接过我的护照后开始议论纷纷：“来不及了，即使乘车都来不及。”，然后又看着我，从头到尾不告诉我应该怎么办。真是他干的！

后来，花了30人民币就乘搭电动机车被送到登机口咯，结果飞机还没有到，感谢上帝。

来到成都，第一次看到女生上厕所不关门，明明就有坚固的门在厕所前都不要关上，还若无其事的在我面前穿上她那鲜红色的蕾丝内裤，TMD。

回到五星级酒店，也是我第一次在短短六天内住了人生有史以来最多间的五星级酒店，享受皮肤晶莹剔透的四川美女服务员那娇滴滴的礼貌对待，爽。

激情过后，又回到第一次一个人孤零零在酒店接近总统套房的房间内孤独上网和老公孩子进行web call，还要第一次跟老公讲：很想念你叻！

接下来几天，第一次一个人在夜深人静的晚上在总统套房内对着镜子赶稿，写着那凄凄惨惨戚戚的川震新闻，想到老公送我的NIKI球鞋在大白天踏上依然埋葬着不少罹难者尸体的灾区废墟，心理就有点毛骨悚然。不过上帝力量大过魔鬼，到最后我还不是一觉到天明。

第一次，认识到在马里西亚没有说过半句话的初猛哥原来很废很搞笑，这个四川多得他照顾，不然我们3个来自不同地区的大马女子也真的是无聊透顶。

第一次，陪我老公以外的男人喝酒，还要是便宜到烂，品质却不错的中国啤酒。

最经典的还是，在6天的行程里终于找到一点点空隙在回国前去所谓成都最大的商场买手信给亲爱的浩浩，第一次买了我生平最大份的一个礼物给他。

这个礼物其实也没有什么特别，就是大大的透明塑胶袋内装着50粒七彩塑胶球，还有一个给他投篮用的网。广场的销售员说，这件东西以手提方式带上飞机没问题。

结果去到成都机场，海关小姐指着这袋东西，睁大眼睛问我：这是什么？一下子反应不过来的我，一直在脑海里思考：这很明显是一袋球，我该怎么回答：要答球好呢，还是玩具。如果我答球，会不会给海关姐姐骂我答废话？结果我第一次用愚笨的方法回答：哦，这是玩具。

结果，顺利通关。怎知道去到广州的白云机场，又是被告知来不及赶机，在大家十万火急赶路的时候，好心帮我拿浩浩玩具的河鱼小姐又被白云机场的海关小姐告知这袋玩具不能上飞机，理由是：会爆炸！

争执一轮，或许海关叔叔和小姐听到河鱼说这是我要买给孩子的手信，一下感动起来终于给我通关，第一次在众目睽睽下坐了感觉最“瘀”的争辩。

顺利登上回吉隆坡的班机，本来很舒适的在昏迷转态中听着浪漫的歌曲，突然整架飞机猛然晃动，然后开始毫无预警的持续来回下降、晃动，向右倾斜，耳畔开始传出杂乱的尖叫声，呐喊声，还有我自己的心跳声。

正当还在思考这就是人家所说的气流吧。马上传来空姐那一点都不镇定反而恐慌的播音说：“请各位乘客保持镇定！不要惊慌！请你们扣好安全带坐在位子上！”我心想，本来我很镇定的，听了你这种语调的播音，真的开始害怕飞机是不是要坠落了！

晃动倾斜持续了大约10分钟，终于回归平静，不过已经开始有人哭泣，已经开始好像做戏那样，空姐通过扩音机要求机上有医生或护士可以现身协助受惊过度身体不适的乘客。

此时，我默默感谢上帝让我体会到他的伟大，然后转头看见隔壁的河鱼双手紧握拳头，不停在颤斗。

接下来的一个小时，只要飞机稍有晃动，我就感觉心跳加速，不过我还是对上帝有信心，知道他应该还不想在天堂见到我这个一事无成的女儿。

终于，飞机有惊无险的顺利降陆在熟悉的吉隆坡国际机场，后座的初猛突然问我：你的球爆了吗？我耸耸肩膀说不知道，还在担心经过刚才激烈的晃动，说不定我很有信心不会爆炸的浩浩的玩具气球可能真的包扎了也说不定的时候，然后隐约听见他好像说：“但是我的胆已经爆了。”哈哈哈。

这就是我所谓要跟大家分享的四川惊魂，我也不知道做么我会有这么多的第一次。

凌晨回到家，大家互报平安的时候，初猛说如果下次再有机会跟我一起出国公干，希望可以选择不要坐飞机，因为不知道我还会有多少个第一次。

Little Damien Is Out Here!

5 Things You Don't Learn From Pregnancy Books

Contractions - it does not always happen like how the books or even experienced mothers have described it - that contractions are intermittent. Mine started like a pinch at the belly button and I didn't sense that as contractions. Not even when I was woken at 3.30am by the continuous, acute pain at the tummy.

I parked myself in the toilet and scared myself a bit as imageries of people labour in the toilet flashed to mind... refrained from "pushing" too hard as I scared my son may smash into the toilet bowl.

Reaching at the hospital, nurses and midwives asked if I were having contractions as if I know exactly how contractions are like... "I don't know-lah nurse!" . Contraction monitor showed it actually happened by minute - wow, that's the frequency of official labour. But my cervix hadn't dilate, so I had some time to decide if I want to go for C-section or wait for the nature's call.

Caesarean hurts - all the old mummies will tell you that it hurts - you couldn't get down the bed, it is painful when you cough or laugh, the wound heals very slow. But there are at least 3 mothers (including me) to testify that the wound doesn't hurt, AT ALL. Maybe our gyneas are very skillful, the wound was stitched up so perfectly nice that it doesn't hurt at all, from day one till it heals. I should have bet on this and earn some money for milk powder :-)

Delivery thru C-section - all this while I thot baby will be pulled and scooped out from the tummy thru the incision. That's what I learn from YouTube. Apparently, the gynea will press hard on your stomach and ooze the baby out thru the incision. And that was extremely painful on the stomach!! - I guess because epidural numbs your bottom half but not the upper half! Or maybe mine is a special case - anyway, it is not peculiar that people do SCREAM during C-section. I did :p

Brief your husband properly! - I really regret I didn't brief my husband properly on what to do in the operating theater. He should have snapped some precious photos while the baby is lifted from my tummy or while he is naked and layered with traces of blood. He did nothing except turning his head away! He said he was scared!

Engorged breasts - for those who are blessed with abundant of breast milk, unfortunately, it doesn't happen once and go away. As long as you continue to breastfeed, your breasts will engorge as they fill itself with milk. They swell like hell! They don't feel like yours, they are just 2 hard rocks sticking on your chest and they hurt like hell! The stinging pain endures and you couldn't even sleep. They also look so fake that as if you have had a boob job! :-(